Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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