he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
