he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Church boner. Awkwardddd
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
