Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
