Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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