I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
