Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
