He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
whose parrot is this?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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