i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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