dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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