and next time when you feel me up, do it right
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
so much tequila, so little girl.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
