Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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