Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The Olympian is in my bed
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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