so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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