Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
