The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
