Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize