If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
