just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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