I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
