i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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