Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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