i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
