Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
