Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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