I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize