forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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