is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
