i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
ok first of all what the fuck
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