You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
