This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
