if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
