I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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