Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
