why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
What changed your mind?
Being sober
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize