Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize