He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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