she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
