So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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