I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize
