i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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