Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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