Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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