He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
