I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
