Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize