Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
