textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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