he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wish I only lived at night.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize