id be glad to
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
