she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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