Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
