Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
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