If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
