I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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