i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
