Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize