Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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