I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
