By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
