I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
