Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
