you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
