I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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