Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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