Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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