I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
