we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize