I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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