Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
