you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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