sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
