WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
