you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She told me I should be a condom model.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
