Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
