Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We left the knife in your bed.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
