You smell like a Billy Joel song
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
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