take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
