He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
