Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
foreskin is a definite game changer
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
