Welp...herpes.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
