So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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